Evolutionary psychologists have long argued that women’s sexual behavior is driven by hormonal changes that occur throughout the menstrual cycle, including everything from their desire for sex to their partner choice. This has fed the popular idea that hormones are really the driving force behind women’s sexuality. As it turns out, however, that’s not entirely true.
In this episode, we’re going to be deconstructing the myth of the “hormonal woman” with Dr. Tierney Lorenz, a former Kinsey Institute trainee who is currently an assistant professor in the Department of Psychology at the University of Nebraska-Lincoln. Tierney studies the interaction between women’s mental, physical, and sexual health.
Some of the topics we explore in this episode include:
What role do hormones and the menstrual cycle really play when it comes to women’s sexual behavior?
Scientists have long argued that ovulation triggers changes in sexual behavior, but it turns out that having sex can actually trigger ovulation. So what does this mean for couples who are trying to get pregnant?
How does having sex impact how the immune system operates?
What is the key to boosting sexual desire? Can testosterone supplements help? What about medications?
How do sexual health, physical health, and mental health all intersect?
How can people with a history of sexual trauma go on to develop happier, healthier sex lives?
This interview blew my mind in several ways, so be sure to check it out! To learn more about Tierney, follow her on Twitter @tk_lorenz and follow her lab at @lab_wish
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Credits: LEGIT Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music).
Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Each November, media buzz around the annual abstinence challenge known as “No Nut November” seems to grow. This challenge involves men giving up ejaculation for the entire month. That means no sex and no masturbation—no orgasms of any kind. Those who participate do this for a wide range of reasons, but often with the intention of enhancing their health. But are there actually any health benefits to abstaining from orgasm for prolonged periods of time?
To dive into what the science says, I spoke with Dr. Joshua Gonzalez, a board-certified urologist who is fellowship-trained in Sexual Medicine. We give a research-based take on “No Nut November,” while also offering a crash course in “semenology” to answer common questions about ejaculation and orgasm.
Some of the topics we explore in this episode include:
Where does semen come from and what is it made of?
How many calories are in a single “serving” of semen? Is it really a source of protein?
Why are so many men concerned about their ejaculatory volume? And is there anything they can do to increase it?
Can abstinence from sex and masturbation enhance athletic performance?
What is the link between masturbation and health? In what ways can being sexually active (both solo and partnered) potentially boost health?
What are the most common sexual difficulties men experience, and what can they do to reduce their odds of developing them?
What do men need to know about having better sex?
To learn more about Joshua, visit his website at joshuagonzalezmd.com. You can also check out his supplement Popstar at popstarlabs.com and follow him on social media:
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Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
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Credits: LEGIT Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music).
Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
What does it really mean to have an orgasm? Different people—and even different scientists—define “orgasm” in different ways, which makes this a surprisingly difficult subject to study scientifically. So how do you measure when someone has an orgasm in a research lab? For this episode, I spoke to an orgasm researcher who has figured out how to do it. Her methods and findings are absolutely fascinating and will change everything you think you know about orgasms!
My guest today is Dr. Nicole Prause, a licensed psychologist and sex researcher who founded the sexual biotechnology company Liberos. She is a former Kinsey Institute trainee and has published an extensive body of research on the neuroscience and psychophysiology of sex.
Some of the topics we explore in this episode include:
What technology do you need to study orgasms scientifically?
Orgasms have both a physiological and a psychological component—but they don’t always line up in the same way for everyone. So what does it mean when someone experiences one but not the other?
What does it actually mean to have multiple orgasms? Are we talking back-to-back orgasms with continued sexual stimulation? Can you take breaks? How much time can pass between each orgasm for it to count as “multiple?”
Is there really a gender difference in the ability to have multiple orgasms? (The answer may surprise you!)
Some people get sick every time they orgasm. What causes this post-orgasmic illness syndrome?
Are there really different “types” of orgasms, or are all orgasms technically the same process?
What happens inside the brain during an orgasm?
For people who have trouble orgasming, what can they do about it?
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Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
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Credits: LEGIT Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music).
Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Most people say that their ideal relationship would be monogamous. Despite this, however, a lot of people seem to have a really hard time maintaining monogamy. So why is that? And if monogamy is what you want, how can you most successfully maintain it and reduce the risk of infidelity?
For the answers to these questions, I spoke with Dr. Lucia O’Sullivan, a Professor of Psychology at the University of New Brunswick. She has published over 100 peer-reviewed articles on sexual and romantic relationships and is an Associate Editor of the Journal of Sex Research.
Some of the topics we discuss in this episode include:
What does it mean to be “monogamous?” Do different people define monogamy in different ways?
Why is it a bad idea to assume monogamy in a relationship?
What works and what doesn’t when it comes to maintaining monogamy? Is there anything you can do to “cheat-proof” your relationship?
What happens when someone in a monogamous relationship develops a crush on someone else? When is this harmless, and when does it become a threat to the relationship?
Are some people better equipped to maintain monogamy than others?
What happens when someone “poaches” a partner from another relationship? How do those relationships tend to work out?
What does sex education look like around the world?
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Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: LEGIT Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music).
Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
What do the sex lives of college students today look like? And how have they changed over time? I spoke with a sex educator who has amassed more than 30 years’ worth of data from students taking her university human sexuality courses. In total, she surveyed nearly 7,000 students and has obtained unique insights into how everything from kink to faking orgasms to condom use has changed since the 1990s.
My guest today is Dr. Sandra Caron, a Professor of Family Relations and Human Sexuality at the University of Maine. She is an AASECT Certified Sexuality Educator and a licensed therapist. Her latest book is titled The Sex Lives of College Students.
Some of the topics we explore in this episode include:
Has the rise of abstinence-only sex education affected the age at which young people start having sex?
What is the average number of sexual partners a college student has?
Why are fake orgasms on the rise among both college men and women alike?
Are college students masturbating more today than they were in the past?
Have college students gotten kinkier over time?
How have same-sex behavior and sexual identity changed among young people?
Are college students today taking more sexual risks or are they practicing safer sex?
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Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: LEGIT Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
A lot of people think about sexual orientation and gender as stable characteristics of the self–they think that people are just born a certain way. While it’s certainly true that many people do demonstrate stability in these traits throughout their lives, not everyone does. Many people experience some degree of sexual and/or gender fluidity, which can manifest in unexpected shifts in identity and expression over time. To be clear, this isn’t to say that sexuality and gender are conscious choices that people can simply change at will at any time, nor is it to say that sexual orientation and gender identity have no genetic or biological basis; rather, it’s just that sexuality and gender can be more dynamic across the lifespan than you might think.
For this episode of the podcast, I took a deep dive into the science of sexual and gender fluidity with Dr. Lisa Diamond, a Professor of Psychology and Gender Studies at the University of Utah. She is author of the incredible book Sexual Fluidity.
Some of the topics we explore in this episode include:
How common is sexual fluidity, and what does it look like?
What is gender fluidity, and how is it similar to or different from being nonbinary or transgender?
How do sexual and gender fluidity intersect? Are people who are fluid in one way more likely to be fluid in others?
Where does fluidity come from, and is it possible that fluidity (as opposed to stability) is the really the norm?
Are essentialist arguments, such as the “born this way” concept, necessary and helpful in the pursuit of LGBTQ+ rights?
What does it mean to have a “sexual orientation?” Is it inherently about sex/gender-based attractions? Or do we all have multiple orientations, with sex/gender being just one type of orientation?
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Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
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Credits: LEGIT Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
People can develop sexual fetishes for virtually anything. In fact, it’s not a stretch to say that if you can think of it, somebody probably has a fetish for it. So why is that? How do fetishes develop in the first place? Are some people more likely to develop them than others? And what role does porn play in all of this?
For the answers to these questions, I spoke with Dr. Jim Pfaus, a researcher in behavioral neuroscience in the Department of Psychology and Life Sciences at Charles University in Prague and with the Czech National Institute of Mental Health. Jim has conducted some fascinating research on animals that sheds important light on how fetishes might develop in humans.
His studies show that rats can learn to associate sex with everything from articles of clothing to specific odors (including very aversive smells). Some of the topics we explore in this episode include:
What does it mean to have a sexual fetish?
How can learning theory help to explain the development of fetishes?
How do people’s early sexual experiences affect their sexual turn-ons?
Are some people more predisposed to developing fetishes than others?
In what ways does pornography shape our sexual interests?
How has porn (and what kind of porn people find to be arousing) changed over time?
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Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: LEGIT Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
The COVID-19 pandemic has affected our sexual interests and behaviors in many ways, which I’ve covered extensively on the blog (see here for a recap). But something that hasn’t really been explored yet is how interest in threesomes and group sex have changed. How do people feel about multi-partner activities in a time of social distancing?
During the pandemic, sex clubs and parties (places where group activities often take place) were largely shut down. Thus, people’s opportunities for threesomes, foursomes, and moresomes were quite limited. So did this create some pent-up interest? For many, it has.
At the Kinsey Institute, in partnership with Lovehoney, we conducted a demographically representative survey of 2,000 Americans over the summer of 2021 to explore how people’s sexual attitudes and behaviors have evolved during the pandemic.
One of the specific things we asked about was interest in threesomes and sex parties—and whether people are now more or less interested in these experiences. When it came to having a threesome, here’s what we found:
· 23% of Americans said they are more interested in having a threesome now than they were before the pandemic
· 29% said their interest in threesomes hasn’t changed
· 48% said they’re less interested in threesomes now
When it came to attending a sex party, the numbers were similar:
· 20% of Americans said they are more interested in attending a sex party now than they were before the pandemic
· 25% said their interest in sex parties hasn’t changed
· 55% said they’re less interested in attending a sex party now
That said, it’s important to note that interest level varies according to several demographic factors, including age, gender, and sexual orientation.
For example, whereas 19% of 18-24 year-olds say they’re more interested in having a threesome now, the number jumps to 27% for those in their 30s and 40s. Likewise, whereas 13% of women say they’re more interested in having a threesome, the number for men is 33% (non-binary folks are in between at 18%). Among LGBTQ+ folks, 26% are more interested in having a threesome compared to 22% of heterosexual adults.
While more Americans say their interest in threesomes and sex parties has decreased rather than increased, the proportion saying their interest has increased is significant because most Americans have never done either of these things before.
For example, data from a nationally representative survey conducted before the pandemic found that 18% of men and 10% of women had a threesome before, while just 6% of men and 5% of women had been to a sex party.
So based on the numbers reporting increased interest now, we might very well see a rise in participation going forward. Data from online dating apps supports this idea. For example, Feeld (an app that caters to open-minded singles and couples) told me that threesomes have become the top desire for people using the app.
Specifically, they said they’ve seen a 670% increase among singles reporting a threesome as their top desire. Likewise, among couples, there has been a 50% increase in seeking threesomes since 2020.
If you’re among those who are now more interested in threesomes, a question you might be wondering is how to make one happen. I get asked this a lot! So here are some things to think about:
Start by doing a little research. In my own work, I’ve seen people report a wide range of experiences with threesomes. For some, they’re great—for others, not so much. But a big part of the reason some people have less than ideal experiences is because they didn’t know how to navigate the situation. After all, this isn’t something that’s covered in sex ed!
So you might check out a book like The Ethical Slut, which can offer some ideas on things to think about and how to determine whether threesomes and other forms of consensual non-monogamy are right for you. You’ll also learn how to communicate about boundaries with your partners, which is important for everyone—but especially when you’re going into a threesome with a romantic partner in order to prevent jealousy and other negative feelings from arising.
You might also consider a virtual threeway as a starting point to test the waters. See here for a handy guide I wrote on this subject. The virtual approach has the advantage of encouraging more communication among participants—and good sex (whether with two or more people and whether it’s online or offline) is all about the communication!
Lastly, when it comes to finding like-minded others, this is where technology can be your friend. Apps like Feeld can help you to identify people who share this interest, which can make it much easier to get the conversation started. Just introducing the idea is one of the biggest obstacles for many people, so if you can join a community where others share your interests and talking about these things is normalized, that can remove a lot of the anxiety and uncertainty.
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click herefor more from the blog or here to listen to the podcast. Follow Sex and Psychology on Facebook, Twitter (@JustinLehmiller), or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
I just heard this line on an NPR podcast that had absolutely nothing to do with sex—but it really got me thinking because I’ve heard people say similar things about sex on several occasions. Specifically, they fantasized about or performed a sex act that definitely triggered feelings of disgust, but that also simultaneously turned them on.
To many, this might sound paradoxical. After all, disgust is an emotion that usually leads us to avoid something, right? So why does disgust sometimes produce the opposite effect in which we are attracted rather than repelled?
In thinking about this, my brain went to a lot of places—so many, in fact, that I turned off that podcast and just started writing this!
The first thing that comes to mind is that we’ve long known that there is a link between sexual arousal and disgust. Specifically, sexual arousal can reduce disgust, but disgust can also reduce sexual arousal.
For example, as I’ve written before on the blog, our disgust response tends to go down when we’re sexually aroused (see here and here). In other words, things that we might normally find to be gross become less so when we’re already turned on. This makes sense from the standpoint that sex itself can be kind of messy when we’re exchanging body fluids and so forth, so maybe it’s adaptive for us to be less triggered by disgust when we’re having sex.
While fascinating, neither of these lines of research really tell us why disgust itself sometimes becomes a turn-on. So what’s up with that? I can think of at least three possible explanations.
It might be a learned behavior
As I mentioned above, we know that disgust tends to go down to some degree when we’re aroused—but after we orgasm, that disgust response can come back pretty quickly. I mean, that’s part of the reason why people are often so quick to turn off porn after they’ve orgasmed. They start to feel grossed out by what they’re watching.
So maybe it’s the case that if your disgust response comes back really quickly while you’re still experiencing the pleasure of orgasm that some people start to learn an association between disgust and sexual pleasure.
You can think of this as a conditioning effect: feeling disgusted itself can potentially become rewarding if it’s repeatedly paired with something pleasurable and positive.
It might be more about the appeal of the taboo than anything
Another possible explanation is that disgusting things are also often taboo. We’ve all been told not to do gross things at one time or another. But when you tell people not to do something, that sometimes makes them want to do it even more.
This is a fundamental principle of human sexuality known as the Erotic Equation: attraction + obstacles = excitement. So if you have even a slight inkling to do something disgusting, being told not to do it can increase your interest in it.
As I’ve found in my own research, taboos are one of the most popular themes in our sexual fantasies. So this might not be so much about the fact that something is disgusting; rather it might be more about the fact that it’s taboo.
Sexual taboos might also be especially appealing to people high in sensation seeking tendencies, who need more potent stimuli in order to get aroused in the first place. For them, doing something taboo amps up the excitement factor.
It might be about attraction to power play
Yet another possibility is that doing something disgusting—or being made to do something disgusting by a partner—can be a form of submission, masochism, and/or humiliation.
Think of it this way: there can be a certain pain that accompanies doing something disgusting. But if you’re turned on by pain, then doing something disgusting can potentially become sexually arousing in and of itself.
So through this lens, disgusting sexual acts might sometimes be a vehicle for enacting fantasies or desires about BDSM or power play.
Takeaways
These are just the thoughts that come to mind off the top of my head, so it could be that there are other explanations I’m not thinking of. It’s also potentially the case that there could be more than one explanation and that disgust might become sexually arousing to different people for different reasons.
As I often like to say, human sexuality is complex! And adding further complexity to this is that disgust in general is a little different for everyone. For some, disgust is easily triggered across situations (they have what we call high trait-level disgust); for others, their threshold for disgust is much higher.
That said, I’m curious to hear your thoughts on this. Have you ever been turned on by something that you also found to be disgusting? What is it about that disgusting thing that is/was arousing to you? Feel free to share your thoughts below!
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click herefor more from the blog or here to listen to the podcast. Follow Sex and Psychology on Facebook, Twitter (@JustinLehmiller), or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
One of the topics that we explore extensively in my sex and culture course in Amsterdam is sex work. As part of this course, I give my students the opportunity to speak with current and former sex workers about their experiences in the industry and, not surprisingly, one of the topics that always comes up is money.
What exactly is the price of sex in Amsterdam?
Before we answer that, it’s worth noting that prostitution is legal and government regulated in the Netherlands. However, this isn’t to say that all sex work that occurs in the Netherlands is legal. In order for it to be legal, it must operate within the confines of the law.
So, for example, someone running a brothel would need to secure the necessary license/permit from the government, pay taxes, and comply with all regulations. In other words, there are a lot of hoops to jump through—and, as a result, this had led to the emergence of a sex work shadow industry that operates outside of the law. In fact, some believe that this shadow industry is many times larger than the legalized industry.
How things work in the shadow industry in terms of pricing, we don’t really have a good sense of. So what we’re talking about in this post is sex work that occurs within the legal framework in the Netherlands.
Based on what several workers have told me, there seems to be a pretty standard going rate in the Red Light District, where (usually) scantily clad workers stand behind floor-to-ceiling windows and beckon potential customers as they walk by. That rate is 50 Euro (or about $60 USD) for 15-20 minutes. However, this only applies to what many workers refer to as “basic sex” (their phrase, not mine), meaning penis-in-vagina intercourse.
Of course, you can negotiate to do more or to stay longer, but only if you’re willing to pay extra. So, for example, if you have kinks or fetishes, you want kissing, you have a spouse/partner who wants to watch or participate, or you want something else beyond intercourse, that’s all individually negotiated and added to the price. However, workers have the freedom to decide whether they want to indulge your requests, and most workers I’ve spoken with have said they have firm limits on what they will and won’t do (for example, ‘no anal’ is the most common limit I’ve heard). So it’s not the case that money can buy whatever you want.
Pricing works differently outside of the Red Light District—and it really depends on the venue in which sex is being sold. For example, I spoke with a woman who formerly worked in a high-end gentleman’s club in a residential area outside the city center. The price there is 300 Euro per hour ($350-360 USD) with a one-hour minimum. And, again, that’s the price for “basic” sex—anything beyond that costs extra.
At these clubs, the men usually stay for a few hours because they’re looking for more than just sex—they’re looking for conversation and connection as well (or “the girlfriend experience,” as some call it). And depending how long they stay, how many bottles of champagne they buy, and what they want, they may very well end up paying thousands of Euros for an evening.
That said, it’s important to note that the workers aren’t taking home as much of that money as you think. For window workers (who are independent contractors) the cost of renting a window in the most desirable area during peak hours can cost as much as 150 Euro (approximately $175 USD). Thus, a worker would need to see three clients per shift just to pay for the space. Even then, however, she’d be losing money because this isn’t tax-free income.
To pay the window fee, account for taxes, and make a solid income, you’d probably need to see 6-10 clients per shift if you were a window worker.
By contrast, if you’re working in a high-end gentleman’s club, you split your hourly earnings with the club. However, you can make a solid income in this setting by seeing just one client per shift if you can get them to stick around for multiple hours and upsell them on extras (for example, workers get a commission on champagne purchases).
I should clarify that everything mentioned above applies to women selling sex to men because women are the most common sellers and men are the most common buyers in Amsterdam (in fact, there are no men who work behind the windows and, from what I understand, there’s only one brothel with male workers). I’d be curious to know how rates vary when workers are men or trans, but thus far, the only sex workers I’ve met in Amsterdam are cisgender women.
So there’s your inside look at how sex work ‘works’ in regulated settings in Amsterdam. What do you think? Are the numbers about what you expected or do they surprise you?
Follow the blog to keep up on what we’re learning during our study abroad trip, and follow our daily adventures or live vicariously through us on Instagram @JustinJLehmiller
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click herefor more from the blog or here to listen to the podcast. Follow Sex and Psychology on Facebook, Twitter (@JustinLehmiller), or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
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